Love is a State of Situation
By Danyah Ismail
Edited by Amani A
We always hear that people fall in love, are thankful for being loved in return, hurt because of love, blinded because they are in love, broken hearted because of love, struggle because of love, strive for love. But what exactly is love that causes all these mixed feelings? What is so special about it that we are aware of how vulnerable we would be with all these emotions, the hurt and confusion that comes with it, but still thrive for the comfort of it? It truly hits so much deeper than people can comprehend. Just like the bitter sweet… that is why all that I mentioned above exists.
There is the love that has to match our criteria and our “checklist” that we have built throughout time and we refuse to settle for less than what we deserve. In this case, we ignore our heart and follow only the logic. There is also the “first-sight-love” that we cannot deny at the birth of it. Usually that kind of love is born at the very moment of meeting someone, consuming us and creating all the sparks. This kind of love could fade away when conflicts arouse because personalities and mentalities do not actually match. Another possibility, it could grow if the foundations are close to similar and the couple decides to invest in the relationship.
And then, there is what I call ‘love is a state of situation’. This love is caused by circumstances. It is like a path you take to escape your unpleasant situation thinking it would heal you, but down deep in your heart you’re 100% sure that you’re only fooling yourself until time comes. It leaves you in constant confrontation with your inner peace.
For the most part, being “alone” or “lonely” is what develops that kind of love. It blinds our vision from seeing the full image of what are we getting ourselves into. Yet, the pain we are dealing with is shaded away deliberately by the exhilarating new experience. Yet, the presence of that relationship and the new experience, would have never developed if the circumstances did not force us into it. In this case, we tend to care less or never care if the partner fits in our daily lifestyle or not, because in the end, it is only temporary. In our head, it is only a segue to overcome the loneliness until we find ourselves believing that we are in love, but we are not. We still sense similar feelings of real love if not the same. We intentionally tend to ignore the flaws of the partner for the favor of the pleasure. We still precede in the relationship until a condition forces us to end it, like moving to another city or family pressure or the partner starts giving up. Since we still believe we are still in love, we encounter the symptoms of ending an actual relationship in terms of tears, hurt, depression and the likes. Yet, we are not able to truly figure out if the feelings are real until we move forward with our lives.
To test the theory, put it into practice. Give yourself time, move to another city or meet someone else, and then examine your emotions after being out of that relationship, you will find out that they weren’t real. The feelings weren’t real. What started out high gradually diminishes.
Circumstances are tough and it definitely leaves us no choice but make the wrong decision sometimes. People tolerate the feelings of ‘loneliness’ and ‘alone’ differently. Some resist falling into the trap of situations, but others cannot.
Nevertheless, when it comes to dealing with your heart and emotions, I only pray that you will always be blessed with a clear vision and strength to protect this precious organ.